
Teaching Teens to Make Decisions: A Summer Planning Guide
I know—it sounds like an oxymoron. Teenagers making decisions? And when they do, their choices often don’t align with what feels comfortable to the adults in the room. But this is completely normal and age-appropriate. Research shows that the frontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and thoughtful decision-making—develops later than the amygdala, which drives instinctual reactions like fear and aggression.
When it comes to summer planning, a teen’s indecisiveness can throw a serious wrench into family plans. Many of you have shared this frustration with me. We want our teenagers to be happy because, let’s face it, a happy teen makes for a much more peaceful household.
But here’s the Catch-22: As parents, we want to plan and organize everyone’s summer so that things run smoothly. Meanwhile, our teenager just wants to lounge on the couch, refuses to do anything without a friend, is waiting for John to decide, and is jealous that Cathy gets to go to Europe while they don’t.
So, what’s the magic formula for getting a teen to make decisions?
And how do you plan a summer that works for the whole family?
There are three key steps to teaching teens how to make sound decisions, but before you start, you, as the parent, need to be prepared for the process. That means:
✔️ Setting clear parameters that you’re comfortable with
✔️ Supporting the decision your teen ultimately makes
✔️ Accepting that letting go of control may be difficult, but it’s an investment in your child’s growth and independence
Now, here’s how to help your teen take ownership of their summer plans:
1. Identify the Conflict & Present the Options
You want your teen to do something productive this summer. Instead of dictating what that should be, clearly state the situation and end with a question:
🗣️ "What do you think you could do?" or "What are your options?"
Encourage them to brainstorm, and if they get stuck, offer suggestions—but don’t do the thinking for them. If summer programs are in the mix, reach out to Camp Experts & Teen Summers to pre-screen options that fit within your parameters. Then, let your teen speak with a consultant to explore their interests.
2. Encourage Them to Weigh the Pros & Cons
Help your teen think through their choices. The best way? Write it out.
For example, summer options may include:
✅ Getting a job
✅ Attending a summer program
✅ Taking a summer class
✅ Family vacation
✅ Hanging out at home
Each option has pros, cons, and time constraints. Since your teen is part of a family, they also need to consider how their choices impact others. If a family vacation is planned from July 4–14, they need to factor that in when deciding on work, programs, or classes.
3. Let Them Make the Decision (and Own It!)
Once the research is done and options are analyzed, let your teen decide—within the parameters you’ve set.
Maybe you envisioned a structured summer of a pre-law program, a family vacation, and a sports camp. But your teen chooses to take the family vacation and work at the local ice cream shop instead. You might have concerns about them being home too much, but since you agreed to the framework upfront, it’s important to respect their choice.
The Biggest Lesson? Let Them Learn from Experience.
There’s no better way to learn what you don’t want than to make a decision and live with the consequences. If your teen realizes midway through summer that they’re bored and regret not going away, resist the urge to say "I told you so!"
Instead, smile and say:
"Maybe next summer, when you get to choose again, you’ll make a different choice. We’re proud of you for making decisions. We love you!"
By guiding your teen through this process, you’re not just planning a summer—you’re teaching decision-making, independence, and responsibility. And that’s a lesson that will last far beyond the summer months.